What a triggering year in half it’s been for all of us. Yet, taking the time to assess your wants and personal needs is imperative.
January brings new goals and a fresh mindset but before we end this year we need to address all of the areas that are hard to let go of.
Making a list of things to let go of things you can’t control is not only necessary but humbling.
I recently took the time to reflect and assess what this year has been for me and the result of my list made me so proud.
Tips for Letting Go Of The Past
It’s hard to let go of the things you want, to let go of things from the past, or to let go of things you can’t control but doesn’t it make you want to do all that you can to take care of yourself?
Surviving this pandemic isn’t lost upon me and we should celebrate it.
This was not the year to read books about waking up at 5 am to smash your goals for the day, especially if you don’t wake up anywhere near that time.
This was the year to live life with gusto and ease because your needs absolutely matter, now more than ever.
You can receive all of the tips in the world but it all starts with acknowledging your personal needs.
Establishing a morning ritual with sweet morning affirmations has helped so many of you that I decided to create a critical list of things to let go of and let be because we need it.
1. The People In Your Life Who You Feel Wasted Your Time
Now, how to fully let go of someone isn’t a one-and-done kind of thing. Healing doesn’t have an expiration date.
During the pandemic, people had time to think and hold space for deep, lengthy, reflection. So many of us can relate to toxicity and have no problem removing them from our life but it goes without saying how hard letting go is.
It is so hard to forgive yourself for allowing them in your space but don’t allow them to press you any longer.
They were meant in your life for only a season.
Instead, reflect on those beautiful moments and how they were only journeying with you temporarily and everything after them is for you to embark on without them.
2. Unresolved Bitterness
Piggybacking off of the first one on this list is unresolved bitterness toward people who you consider friends.
Although those friendships and relationships didn’t work out, from a growth perspective, you got rid of a whole lot of stress from your life.
When you stop to think of it, your heart is sad but your nervous system is thanking you for letting those people who stress you out, go.
Go back to gratitude for knowing that you deserved better.
Letting go of everything including toxic relationships is a non-negotiable when it comes to your mental health.
3. The Goals You Didn’t Achieve
The goals you set for yourself at the beginning of the year that you didn’t obtain. The micro goals count too.
There are a lot of negative emotions tied to not mastering goals but you are not alone when I tell you there are so many people who tie goals to feeling in control.
Perhaps, restructuring your goals to make them more realistic and obtainable would do the trick but you have to let of things you can’t control.
Take a look at your year and I bet there are plenty of short and long-term goals you did accomplish.
Now, that’s worthy of being praised.
4. Weight Gain
The weight you gained.
Come January, there will be plenty of ads running that mention, “how to let go of things you don’t need begins with shedding baby weight” or “life after 30 weight and it’s so unhealthy to think weight gain is a bad thing. “
Let this limiting mindset go.
This may be too touchy for some but I can relate to feeling this pressure because I’m in the same boat bloomer.
I’ve gained weight and this is one of the things I had to let go of because feeling beautiful isn’t defined by the size of the dress or pants I wear.
It’s how I feel when I go out for the day and how I feel when I put my favorite dress on. Treat yourself how you would want someone to treat you.
I have a mindful list of body positivity quotes you should check out for when your spirit needs a nudge in the right direction.
5. Replaying Events That Hurt You
Replaying events of when you didn’t stand up for yourself.
In my newest self-care book: Sis, Be At Ease, I go over this and more. Advocacy is a big deal and I get how it can intimidate you.
It can be so easy to defend others but so hard to advocate for your needs. I offer some practical pointers with a lot of nudging inside the affirmation book.
6. People Who Hurt You
The people you believe you let down.
We can be really in our heads about this one, maybe that person is you. When people have hurt you, reading a manual about how to let things go is laughable.
The emotional pain from family members, friends, and co-workers can have you feeling negative thoughts and believing that it’s close to impossible to let it go.
But you can, because that forgiveness is for you. They have moved on.
You are doing everything right, you’re at the right place, at the right time and you are walking in your destiny.
Those mistakes weren’t an accident and the people that hurt you are missing out on how amazing you are.
7. The People That Offended You
And I mean every person that offended you. When thinking of what worked for me when it came to following advice on how to let go of things from the past, people that offended me are near the top of that list.
There are some callous, flippant people in this world that say and do things that leave my mouth hanging open but it’s them, not you.
You are to just IGNORE it.
In my profession of behavior analysis, we call the behavior that functions merely because of attention, and positive reinforcement. The most effective response to other people’s junk behavior is to plan to ignore it.
For some, this is a work-in-progress kind of thing. If this is something that you’ve struggled with all of your life, it’s not going to go away overnight.
The first step is being aware that you’re jealous. Jealous of someone’s possessions like friendships, partners, jobs, obtaining brand partnerships that you want for yourself.
If God can take an ordinary person and make them achieve extraordinary things, he can for you too.
For me, it was watching people hit milestones like 10k IG followers, receiving brand partnerships, or seeing my friends create closer friendships with people who don’t refer to me as their friend.
Any one can relate?
I felt left out but when realizing that I possess a special sauce, I stopped sleeping on my gifts and talents.
You knew this would be on the list. There are plenty of horrible things you can do in this lifetime.
You can rob a bank, and you can steal your neighbor’s plant, but taking care of yourself is not on that list.
You weren’t made like the energizer bunny, you have to recuperate or else you’ll burn yourself out. It’s inevitable.
No one can keep going for 24 hours straight, you’re supposed to take intentional breaks coupled with ease.
Do it so that your future self will thank you.
10. Money Spent
I’m no financial guru but as someone who owns a house, and car, and pays bills, there is this unspoken habit with humans that we have to spend our money on everything.
There are plenty of resources out there that promote financial wellness but I recommend no one other than The Budgetnista.
In a financial world predominantly run by white old men, the budgetnista, Tiffany Aliche stands out and is just as knowledgeable, if not more.
I bought Get Good with Money book and read it once and I desperately need to re-read it.
You can start anew now and shape up those spending habits to be more intentional and fruitful.
This is an ongoing journey but what I mean here is that I don’t want you to one day look up and realize you never addressed your burnout properly.
I talked about this in healing from burnout. I am a BCBA by trade and once upon a time, I thought working all day was admirable.
It’s not admirable but even when I knew I was burnt out, I kept going because well, everyone around me did.
There were times I would feel guilty for going on a proper lunch break.
Address your burnout by scaling back on whatever is burning you out, find mental health services, a wellness blog site like mine, or plan your days to insert intentional me time.
Start Living Today Because You Need you.
If there is a book titled: How to let go of things you can’t control, taking vacations should be in the lesson plan.
The vacations you didn’t take are not your fault. I’m raising my hand here too. In lieu of COVID, vacations haven’t felt quite the same.
Scrolling on IG doesn’t help much either.
While you and your family navigate this traveling space again, show up for yourself by giving yourself some grace and feel proud that you are taking the brave step to be around people again.
What’s The Verdict?
From this list, what will you be letting go of before the new year?