Why Is It So Hard To Make Friends As An Adult?

Look sis, I get it, adulting is lonely and super hard. Over the years, I’ve asked myself this very question, “why is it so hard to make friends as an adult?”

It doesn’t take a genius to understand that the process of getting older is full of challenges.

For example, you might find yourself having fewer and fewer meetups with friends because well, life happens, you discover that old friends have begun reaching significant milestones that you haven’t reached yet or simply don’t keep in touch as often.

This is all perfectly normal, but that doesn’t make it any easier to accept. Friends are hard to find and the energy it takes to maintain friend circles or a friendship group of girlfriends is difficult enough.

If you’ve ever thought to yourself, “no one reaches out to me”, or “how do I make friends in my 30s?”, keep reading to discover some valuable insight into this common phenomenon.

why is it so hard to make friends as an adult
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It’s Often More Difficult to Be Social

When it comes to making new friends, you must be willing to put yourself out there. This isn’t always easy. After all, unless you interact with many people at work or home, you might not have a ton of opportunities to be social.

This doesn’t mean that you need to transform into a social butterfly, but you won’t make new friends if you don’t meet people and make an effort to get to know them better.

Obviously, this takes effort and energy, and the older you get, you might not feel that you afford to invest these resources in new relationships. This is a struggle almost everyone faces at some point in their lives.

me and friends
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It’s Hard to Open Up

Maybe you’ve thought to yourself, “I don’t like making friends” or, “making friends at 30 is hard.”

You’ve likely been hurt somewhere along the line. Perhaps by a romantic partner or a past friend. Getting burned like this isn’t easy to overcome, especially when you genuinely care about someone.

Thus, you probably have a hard time opening your heart to new people. This is actually very common and makes you very human. 

Opening yourself up requires courage, and you have to be willing to take a chance on someone when there’s no guarantee that they will be there for you when you need them most.

And yet keeping yourself emotionally closed off to the prospect of new relationships probably isn’t the most helpful strategy as you move forward in life.

i dont like making friends
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Lack of Time

It’s no secret that adults don’t have nearly as much free time on their hands as young people typically do.

In fact, most young people’s lives revolve around their friendships. Think back to your best friend group in college.

But when you graduate from school, leave home, become involved in a committed relationship, start a family, and devote yourself to a career, making time for friends outside of the work environment can seem like mission impossible.

friendship group of girlfriends
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You’re Too Selective

Let’s face it, when it comes to forming new relationships, you’ve probably become a bit picky.

This is perfectly normal and even somewhat healthy. After all, it’s essential to interact with quality people rather than being willing to hang with almost anyone.

But obviously, there should be limits to how selective you are when finding adult friends. Allow yourself to stay open to people from different backgrounds and varying personalities. After all, variety is the spice of life. Right?

Being too selective dramatically reduces the number of people you’ll eventually interact with, and you might just miss out on some incredible friendships with amazing women who could become an essential part of your life.

friends are hard to find
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It’s Difficult to Find People With Shared Interests

Do you have some specific interests or hobbies that are extremely important to you? If so, it’s always a good idea to seek out individuals who share your interests or goals.

Keep in mind that this might be challenging, especially if you aren’t willing to settle for friendships with people who don’t share your interests.

Remember, it’s not necessarily the best idea to always surround yourself with friends who are exactly like you. In fact, that can make life a little boring.

You don’t have to click on every level. The goal is friendship. This means you cheer each other on, love spending time together, and make each other laugh.

And if you also happen to have a few things in common, all the better. Just don’t make a lack of shared interest a deal-breaker.

older friends
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You’ve Always Been Introverted

This one can be a biggie. Because let’s face it, being introverted is incredibly challenging. Type A personalities simply don’t understand those of us who struggle with social anxiety.

But you don’t have to have social anxiety to consider yourself an introverted person. Perhaps you’re just quiet, don’t speak up a lot, or prefer your own company over social situations. There’s nothing wrong with this, but it will make it far more challenging to make new friends.

As an introvert, it’s crucial to know that outgoing people don’t always understand what to make of you. For example, they might perceive you as stuck-up; thus, they may consider you unapproachable.

This is obviously unfortunate, but it’s the way social constructs typically work. You might desperately want to expand your circle of friends, but being social makes your skin crawl. I feel your pain, but it’s still super important to put some effort into improving social skills.

no one reaches out to me
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Fear of Being Rejected

If you fear rejection, join the club. No one is immune to this fear. That’s because rejection is hard to process without inevitably looking for flaws in yourself and wondering what you did wrong or what’s so unlikeable about you.

The important thing about coping with the fear of rejection is not taking it personally. It also presents a chance to look in the mirror, work on yourself, and understand how to take your social game to the next level.

friend circles
Photo Source: ColorJoyStock

Why Is It So Hard to Make Friends as an Adult? Explained

For many people, life only gets more satisfying as they age. And yet there are plenty of frustrations. For example, why is it so hard to make friends as an adult?

The key is to understand what we are looking for, the needs we have, and then learn to grow despite the changes in the world around us.

Continue exploring the articles on this blog to discover content designed to motivate personal growth and improve your overall lifestyle.

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